You rise from your seat, hurriedly remove your pants (you are supremely confident that they will have evolved out of the need for pants in the future) and do what all onlookers will later agree was an objectively bitchin cannonball right through the space-time continuum.

You were expecting some clocks and shit to be swirling about, but the time vortex is actually a series of large, Cyclopean archways guarded by inscrutable, mystical beings kind of like the Southern Oracle from the Neverending Story. Except one of them said he was named Steven and that he didnt have time for this shit. Also like the Southern Oracle, at one point you had to face a mirror image of yourself that was reflective of all your hidden fears and weaknesses. You got the feeling that part was supposed to be hard, but youre pretty much nothing but fears and weaknesses, so the two of you just high-fived and went about your respective business.


After you pass through the last gate, you emerge into a blinding, burning light. When it fades, you find yourself in a primordial jungle, standing at the bank of a long, fast river. There is no sound. You do not get the feeling that you are alone, but rather that all the wildlife is holding its breath. Before you sits a raft.

If you launch off on the raft, propelling yourself downriver to escape the ominous natural presence, turn to page 7.If you stand your ground and face your floral and faunal accusers, turn to page 6.

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